Why Mahloket Matters
By Miranda Bass, Post 1
One of the aspects of my time in the Army that I value most was my exposure to different types of people. Even though my hometown of New York is one of the most diverse cities in the world, the Army enabled me to forge deep, meaningful relationships and lifelong friendships with people I otherwise had little in common with and would never have met. Many veterans reflect on this feeling of brother and sisterhood as a unique aspect of their time in the service, and I feel lucky to have had this opportunity from the age of 17.
It was not until I left the Army years later that I realized how unusual this experience was of living, training, and becoming friends with people so different from me. In civilian life, most of us are naturally surrounded by people we choose based on shared values or common interests, and this is a good thing. It allows us to foster community and feel grounded and safe. But in recent years, the pandemic and political climate have created a vicious cycle of polarization and isolation, keeping us away not only from our chosen communities, but creating even more distance from those with whom we disagree or don’t have much in common.
Recently, I was privileged to be a Mahloket Matters Fellow at the Pardes Institute of Jewish Studies based in Jerusalem. Mahloket is a Hebrew word meaning disagreement, specifically, disagreement that is generative and deepens our understanding of ourselves and others, as opposed to disagreement that is reductive, destructive, and isolating. The program used sources from the Tanakh up through the present day to illustrate how our Jewish tradition values Mahloket, how we can foster it in our lives, and the potential it has to help heal some of our culture’s deep wounds.
The Mahloket Matters curriculum is incredibly rich, too much so to do it justice in a brief article, but perhaps the most powerful idea I learned from Mahloket Matters is the 49-49 conversation. In Jewish texts, the number 50 often represents an idea of wholeness and completion, that everything is encompassed and contained. The Talmud teaches us in a story that even our great sages, the early rabbis, could only achieve 49 in their learning and knowledge. It is impossible for a human being to know and contain all the wisdom and perspectives on a given matter, and so we need to live and disagree with a profound humility. This humility does not mean that we cannot advocate for and defend our beliefs. On the contrary, the premise of a 49-49 conversation is that we are already doing just that! What it means is that we need a level of openness in the conversation to truly hear and understand not just the differing opinions or beliefs someone else holds, but why they feel that way, the context in which they came to hold their beliefs, and our common humanity. The goal is not to win an argument, but to deepen our understanding of others and ourselves.
A 49-49 conversation is also predicated on mutual respect and safety in order to be vulnerable enough to share our beliefs and receive others that may be directly opposed. If all parties can muster that basic respect and feel safe enough, Mahloket has the potential to transcend disagreement and turn into real learning and even healing.
Nowhere have I seen Mahloket in action in my life more than in the Army. Units, barracks living, duty assignments, training, deployments, and more, all put us on intimate terms with every other type of American out there. For much of my career, I spent every waking moment around people with whom I strongly differed and disagreed. This resulted in funny, frustrating, and even painful misunderstandings and disagreements, but through them I learned that relationships can survive and become stronger through disagreement, and that there can actually be fun, joy, and incredible learning in seeing Mahloket through, and becoming true friends with someone with whom you disagree. Military life has much to teach us about the value and practice of Mahloket and how we can not just coexist, but live well with people with whom we disagree.
Volume 77. Number 2. 2023
